Sid Azmi grew up in a community where sexual expression was discouraged. "We just didn't talk about that stuff," says Azmi, 33, who grew up Malay Muslim in Singapore.

Azmi came to the U.S. to study, and after a successful seven-year career as a radiation therapist, she started plotting a big career change. One evening, she ran out of lubricant, and the closest sex shop that sold the variety she preferred was a bus ride away. Frustration led to inspiration: Azmi decided to open her own pleasure boutique.

Her vision was to create a space for open conversations about sex and sexuality — the kinds of conversations she craved when she was younger and often initiated once she moved to the States. Without a business partner or investors, Azmi opened Please in Brooklyn, New York, in 2015. The store is designed like a hip boutique. Big, open windows welcome customers, who can purchase expensive candles and handmade gifts as well as top-of-the-line sex toys and educational books on just about every sex topic.

"Talking to people is the best way to learn about anything," Azmi says. "Please is the place to ask questions. I don't want to make a sale. I want to create an experience."

Growing up Muslim in Singapore there was very much a "don't ask, don't tell" policy about sexuality and our bodies. I went to an all-girls government school, and that's when my mind opened up. I met girls from different countries; girls of different races, religions, and sexual identities. I was very extroverted, and I became the one my friends would open up to. A lot of my learning about sex happened through other people's experiences. The thing I learned first is not to judge.

After I finished junior college in Singapore [at 20], I worked three jobs until I saved enough money to visit the U.S. When I told my parents I was going to leave the country, they didn't believe me. A Malay Muslim woman just doesn't pick up and leave to go traveling to the opposite side of the earth on her own. I bought the ticket and they didn't believe me. The day I was leaving, they didn't believe me.

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David Cortes

I flew to New York City because I wanted to see what it was like. Then I visited Niagara Falls, Toronto, and Boston. I liked Boston. It wasn't as overwhelming as New York was to me at first, and I had my first brief romance with a Northeastern University student. He took me to campus parties, we ate Dunkin' Donuts in Boston Common, and he took me to my first bar. I was raised to think bars were dirty and alcohol was dangerous. But I discovered that everyone is just having fun with good company.

I came back to Singapore after about four weeks and started to research universities in Boston. I was accepted to Suffolk University. When I told my parents, my father surprised me and agreed to pay for tuition. He said, "How can we say no to our daughter wanting to further her education?" My mother was very angry. She didn't talk to me for two years. It broke my heart. I know she felt that I abandoned her. She has a very strong sense of loyalty toward her parents, so when I left, she couldn't understand how I could do that. But I wasn't fearful of going. I wasn't worried about making it. I needed that freedom to find someplace where I would fit in.

I wasn't worried about making it. I needed that freedom to find someplace where I would fit in.

By happenstance, I met the program director of the radiation therapy department. She let me shadow radiation therapists at the hospital to see what the job was like and I liked it. I switched my major [from political science] to radiation and biology and developmental psychology.

As part of the program, I had a required clinical internship that lasted two years. I worked in a hospital next to a radiation therapist treating patients. It was the daily interaction with vulnerable people that I loved most. The kinds of conversations you have are not superficial. For example, I used to work with women who had breast cancer or some type of gynecological cancer. Breast cancer patients would lament to me quite frequently that they felt part of their sexual identity was taken away. We'd talk about how with this part of their [anatomy] removed, how can they look at their bodies and feel turned on?

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David Cortes

I understood. With [my partner] in college was the first time I talked about being different. I was circumcised at birth, which is another thing we never talked about growing up. I started reading about it and learning how to find pleasure anyway. Did being circumcised mean that pleasure was closed off to me? No. I learned how to have mind-blowing orgasms. I just had to rewire my arousal map. It's given me a sense of power rather than feeling victimized.

I went to my first sex shop during these years. I went in many times and came right back out. I was feeling kind of weird about it. I was very overwhelmed. Like, Why do I need all these things? Eventually I bought a small clitoral vibrator and it was a revelation. Being able to give myself an orgasm was not only a stress relief, but it helped me fix the mind-set that masturbation was wrong.

I called my mother several times a week. Over time, our relationship was repaired. She saw that I wasn't just goofing around.

I graduated in 2007 and started work right away as a radiation therapist at Brigham & Women's Hospital where I had my internship. Then I was offered a job at Massachusetts General Hospital, and I stayed there for five years. In 2011, I moved to New York City and took a supervisory role at Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and then became the chief radiation therapist at Brooklyn Radiation Oncology.

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David Cortes

On Christmas Eve 2013, I was preparing to make a big dinner for friends and it was stressing me out. I told my partner at the time,"We really need to have sex so I can feel calm and collected about everything." We started playing around and I couldn't find any lube. The closest sex boutique was a bus ride across Brooklyn. I was prone to yeast infections and being in the medical field, I knew that glycerin — which is in most drugstore lubricants — causes yeast. I needed something better. In that moment I thought, I need to open a good store here in Park Slope.

It wasn't just about finding good lube. Sexuality is a bit more complicated than just sleeping with somebody. I experienced sexual abuse when I was younger. And when it's laced with the shame that even the topic of sex carried in my community, there's an added layer of guilt. It was like I was being punished for my sexuality. I had to undo a lot of that thinking for myself.

I wanted to change the way people think and talk about sexuality.

I wanted this store to be more than a sex shop that sells toys. I wanted to change the way people think and talk about sexuality. It's something I had been doing my whole life whenever I talked to friends, or even strangers, about sex. I wanted the store to be open, with a big glass window. No dark exterior or neon pink signs.

I started reading everything I could, and I took classes at the Institute for Sexuality and Enlightenment and free small business classes online. I also took workshops online to learn about the safest toys for your body and which lubricant is best from a biological perspective. I was educating myself and wanted to bring the same educational component to the store.

I was lucky enough that I had my own savings and my ex-partner loaned me some money. The sex industry is called a prohibitive industry [by banks]. In the past, the term was used to describe stores that were considered morally defunct. To get a credit card, I told the bank I was a bookstore and apothecary, which is technically true because I do sell books and retail products. But when I asked for a credit line increase, I admitted that it was a sex shop and they said, "We never should have given this to you." I signed up for business insurance and when they found out what kind of store I was, they canceled the policy. When I finally found a company that would insure me, they charged me a higher premium because of the kind of store it is. Still, I never thought I couldn't do it. I just had long arguments on the phone with people and got my way.

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David Cortes

I quit my job in July 2014 and took a part-time job at Nassau Community College as a clinical instructor teaching radiation therapy. I could work three days a week and also focus on opening the store.

I started visiting other sex boutiques to see what they were selling. But I also set a standard. The sex industry is not regulated by the FDA. That's why you have toys that melt on you and break apart inside you. It matters to me what you put in your body.

I put a wanted ad on Craigslist and hired a staff of five. I looked for people who had an open mind and no judgment. We made a list of all the sex toys that [we knew about], took out brands that were not 100 percent medical-grade silicone, talked about function, aesthetics, price. We then vetted the books we would sell, debating photography versus erotica, sex guides, and even children's books on sex. We had long discussions about every item that ended up in the store. Like, "What kind of customer prefers a flesh-tone dildo to a colored one?" It took us about three to four months [to decide the inventory].

On March 7, 2015, I opened Please. The first two months people came in and were like, "Oh, we thought it was a boutique or a hair salon." They'd walk in and leave. But then I would see some of the same faces again. Then they brought friends. Sometimes we would just talk. The important thing was we started building relationships with the community. We started getting attention from local newspapers and very good reviews from people on Yelp.

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David Cortes

I've never had any negative backlash. Credit goes to the neighborhood for being so cool. When people do come in with their kids unknowingly, I typically say, "Oh hello, just so you know, this is a mom-and-dad store." And they laugh or smile, and usher their kids out of the store.

I'm always respectful, and I try to share some of my own experiences to get people to open up and feel more comfortable. Sometimes I'll just pick up a book and start a conversation like, "What do you think of this penis size?" Some people will come up to me meekly and say, "I'm here to buy my first vibe." I'll spend 20 to 30 minutes talking to one customer.

One conversation I'll never forget was with a student from Zimbabwe who came in to do a paper for her gender studies class. When we spoke about masturbation, she stated that sex was something that was done for you and not something you do for yourself. So I explained to her why it is healthy to masturbate; it's simply learning about yourself and your body. I told her how I never used to masturbate. I thought sexual pleasure was something that someone gave you. And when I did masturbate, I cried many times after, wishing I didn't have to pleasure myself. But then [over time,] I learned that this was not wrong, and in order to have good sex, you need to know what "good" means. She didn't walk away with any merchandise, but I think it planted a seed in her head.

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David Cortes

Last summer, I quit teaching to work full-time at Please. I also see clients as a radiation therapist two or three days a week. It's a way to let the store grow without worrying [as much] about finances. I also like to change it up. My world is not just the store, just like sex is not my whole life.

This past June, I hired a workshop coordinator who brings on credentialed people to teach classes in everything from chakra sex, to how to talk to kids about sexuality, to sex during chronic illness. I sit in on all of them. I talk to sex therapists all the time, and I even learn from my staff. One of my employees is a trans woman, and I ask her very candidly about her sexual experiences so that I may be able to better help a customer who can relate.

I do hope to go to grad school and do a human sexuality PhD. I want to build the Please brand to focus on sex education and hopefully one day, I want to have a franchise.

When I first opened the store, I called my mom for her blessing. She was like, "This is so embarrassing! Don't call me and don't ever talk about it." Two months later, she came to visit me in New York and demanded to see the store. I explained to her that it's not just about promoting sex. I talk to women going through menopause, women having sex for the first time after birth, men who are having problems they've never talked about before. She thought for a long time and said, "This is a very good thing that you're doing." When I go home to Singapore, she still won't talk to me about sex, but she'll say to all her friends, "Ask Sid what she does."

Get That Life is a weekly series that reveals how successful, talented, creative women got to where they are now. Check back each Monday for the latest interview.

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