The best way you can approach a hot person in a public place is to just walk over, say "hi," and start a conversation like a normal person. But! Sometimes it's nice to have a Line to fall back on for when you're 3+ drinks in, or the bar is closing soon, or if it looks like there is no way you will have anything in common with the hot person you're approaching. You get the gist. It's nice to have a prepared opening statement. A game plan. Fuck it — a pickup line.
All the traditional pickup lines are cheesy and bad (are you from Tennessee?, etc.). Plus, most are manufactured for men to use on women. Well lucky for you, I have a solution. And not just a solution, but a timely, of-the-moment solution that is proven to be effective at baiting men in 2017. It's got all the essential elements of a perfect line: It's original, it's short and snappy, it communicates a knowledge of culture and politics, and (most important of all) it doesn't sound like a pickup line.
Ok enough dillydallying. Are you ready to be armed with the knowledge that you can own any man-filled room you walk into? Are you ready for your game — nay, your entire world – to be completely changed? ARE? YOU? READY?
[Imagine a thousand drum rolls, as well as a chorus of angels.]
Here is The Line:
"Do you watch Rick and Morty?"
Alright now let that marinate for a second. Here it is again, for posterity:
"Do you watch Rick and Morty?"
Before you immediately disregard this line as bullshit nonsense, this line has been scientifically tested to be effective. AKA — I used it at various bars in different states and guys were intrigued. And if you are stressed out by the thought of having to watch 31 episodes of some dumb cartoon, please calm down. The other best part of this pickup line is that the person using it (you) doesn't need to have ever seen an episode of Rick and Morty in their entire life. Because once a guy thinks you watch Rick and Morty, he'll start babbling on about it all by himself. Let's dig in to why this line works, shall we?
Rick and Morty, for the uninitiated, is an incredibly popular cartoon that's aired for three seasons on Adult Swim. I don't watch the show but, from what I hear, it's chock full of cool things like jokes, dark humor, and sharp cultural critiques. The show is particularly popular among men, from what I can tell. Not to say that women can't and don't love Rick and Morty also, but the only times someone has asked me if I watch it, that someone was a man. Which is a big reason why Do you watch Rick and Morty? works so well as a line used by women on men. It saves them the trouble of asking you about it themselves — because they inevitably will anyway — and it communicates that air of I like things boys like, too, that no man can seem to resist (idiots).
Here's the true reason why this line is so great, though. Once Rick and Morty enters the conversation, any dude who watches it can go on carrying the conversation by himself for a yet-untested amount of time. It could be hours, for all I know. All you have to do once the line is uttered is sit back, relax, and nod along as this man you've just successfully hooked goes on and on about the subversive art of adult cartoons, and how you "get over how weird Rick's voice is really fast, I swear!" Easy as pie.
Now, as with anything, this line comes with a few disclaimers. While I can almost certainly guarantee its effectiveness on hetero dudes who own computers and/or televisions, I can say nothing about the quality of these men. I'm sure the show itself is perfectly fine — maybe it's even good! — but Rick and Morty fans have earned a reputation of being... not great. A Reddit thread documents a group of fans allegedly harassing female show writers after a few unsatisfactory episodes aired. There was also the recent incident where diehard fans rioted outside of various McDonald's locations, going nuts and demanding tiny packets of Szechuan Sauce — a limited edition sauce McDonald's recently revived because of a minor plot line from season three of Rick and Morty.
Maybe the sort of guy who trades his entire car for a packet of sauce that can contain no more than four solid nugget dunks is the sort of guy you're trying to take home! I'm not here to judge your taste in men! I'm just trying to cover my bases here, in case any of the people you use this pickup line on start screaming at you about sauce ten minutes into your makeout.
Follow Hannah on Twitter.
